On fear
2025-01-22

I’m afraid, and I don’t know what to do about it.

I don’t even know what to write here. I don’t have any big insights. But I am scared. I’m scared for all the trans people in the US. I’m scared for all the immigrants in the US.

I feel bad about it, but what I’m most scared of is that the clusterfuck that is happening in the US will come over to Belgium. And I’m privileged as fuck. I have a good-paying job, friends and family who support me, an apartment I own. But I’m still scared. People around me seem to be mostly coping with the current events through multiple layers of sarcasm and irony. I try to play along, but I can’t do it. Things feel too momentous and too fucked to do it.

History teaches that popular opinion can change quickly. I don’t know what to do to make sure that it doesn’t turn against people like me. I’m trans. I’m also less and less out about it. At my previous job, I was out and proud at work. But I still don’t feel comfortable coming out at my current one. I’m not out at the Red Cross instance I volunteer at. The only thing I can think of to do my part in preventing the popular opinion change I’m scared about is being more and more out. But I’m afraid to come out. I probably shouldn’t be. But I am.

The ramble above probably won’t help. There are no conclusions here. But I needed to get this off my chest. At least this feeling is out there now.

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